The Chosen

Содержание → Chapter 12 → Часть 3

Глава 12

Часть 3

'Your eyes look bloodshot, ' I told him.

'They are bloodshot, ' he said.

'Your eyes look as if you've been reading Freud: 'Ha – ha, ' Danny said.

'What does Freud say about an ordinary thing like bloodshot eyes? '

'He says to rest them. '

'A genius, ' I said.

'You know, my brother's a good kid, ' Danny said. 'His sickness is quite a handicap, but everything considered he's a good kid. '

'He's quiet, I'll say that for him. Does he study at all? '

'Oh, sure. He's bright, too. But he has to be careful. My father can't pressure him. '

'Lucky boy. '

'I don't know. I wouldn't want to be sick all my life. I'd much rather be pressured. He's a nice kid, though. '

'Your sister's pretty nice, too, ' I said.

Danny didn't seem to have heard me – or if he had, he chose to ignore my words completely. He went on talking about his brother. 'It must really be hell to walk around sick all the time and have to depend upon pills. He's really a sweet kid. And bright, too. ' He seemed to be rambling, and I wasn't sure I knew what he was trying to say. His next words jarred me. 'He'd probably make a fine tzaddik, ' he said.

I looked at him. 'How's that again? '

'I said my brother would probably make a fine tzaddik, ' Danny said quietly. 'It occurred to me recently that if I didn't take my father's place I wouldn't be breaking the dynasty after all. My brother could take over. I had talked myself into believing that if I didn't take his place I would break the dynasty. I think I had to justify to myself having to become a tzaddik. '

I was frightened and said tightly, 'Your home hasn't blown up recently, so I take it you haven't told your father. '

'No, I haven't. And I'm not going to, either. Not yet. '

'When will you tell him? Because I'm going to be out of town that day. '

'No, ' he said quietly. 'I'm going to need you around that day. '

'I was only kidding, ' I told him, feeling sick with dread.

'It also occurred to me recently that all my concern about my brother's health was a fake. I don't have much of a relationship with him at all He's such a kid. I pity him a little, that's all. I was really concerned about his health because all along I've wanted him to be able to take my father's place. That was something all right, when I realized that. How am I doing? Are you bored yet? '

'I'm bored stiff, ' I said. 'I can't wait until the day you tell your father. '

'You'll wait, ' Danny said tightly, blinking his eyes. 'You'll wait, and you'll be around, too, because I'm going to need you. '

'Let's talk about your sister for a change, ' I said.

'I heard you the first time. Let's not talk about my sister, if you don't mind. Let's talk about my father. You want to know how I feel about my father? I admire him. I don't know what he's trying to do to me with this weird silence that he's established between us, but I admire him. I think he's a great man. I respect him and trust him completely, which is why I think I can live with his silence. I don't know why I trust him, but I do. And I pity him, too. Intellectually, he's trapped. He was born trapped. I don't ever want to be trapped the way he's trapped. I want to be able to breathe, to think what I want to think, to say the things I want to say. I'm trapped now, too. Do you know what it's like to be trapped? '

I shook my head slowly.

'How could you possibly know? ' Danny said. 'It's the most hellish, choking, constricting feeling in the world. I scream with every bone in my body to get out of it. My mind cries to get out of it. But I can't. Not now. One day I will, though. I'll want you around on that day, friend. I'll need you around on that day. '

I didn't say anything. We sat in silence a long time. Then Danny slowly closed the Freud book he had been reading. 'My sister's been promised, ' he told me quietly.

'My father promised my sister to the son of one of his followers when she was two years old. It's an old Hasidic custom to promise children away. She'll be married when she reaches eighteen. I think we ought to go over and visit your father now. '

That was the only time Danny and I ever talked about his sister.

A week later. I went up with my father to our cottage near Peekskill. While we were there, America destroyed Hiroshima and Nagasaki with atomic bombs, and the war with Japan came to an end.

I didn't tell my father about that last conversation I had with Danny, and I had many nightmares that year in which Reb Saunders screamed at me that I had poisoned his son's mind.

That September Danny and I entered Hirsch College. I had grown to five feet nine inches, an inch shorter than Danny, and I was shaving. Danny hadn't changed much physically during his last year in high school. The only thing different about him was that he was now wearing glasses.

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[ Часть 3. Глава 12. ]

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