Содержание → Chapter 8 → Часть 6
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Часть 6
Reb Saunders looked at me and sighed again. 'Reuven, ' he said very quietly, 'I want you to hear me out. No one lives forever. My father led his people before me, and my grandfather before him, and my great-grandfather before him. For six generations now we have led our people. I will not live forever. Daniel will one day take my place' His voice broke, and he stopped. He put a finger to one of his eyes. Then he went on, his voice a little hoarse now. 'My son is my most precious possession. I have nothing in the world compared to my son. I must know what he is reading. And I cannot ask him. ' He stopped and looked down at an open Talmud on his desk. 'How did he come to meet your father in the library? ' he asked, looking down at the Talmud.
I sat very still and said nothing. I realized I was sitting on top of a possible explosion between Danny and his father. How long would Reb Saunders remain silent about his son's visits to the library? And I didn't like the way my father seemed to appear in all of this – as if he were conspiring behind Reb Saunders' back to contaminate his son. I took a deep breath and began to talk slowly, choosing my words with care. I told Reb Saunders everything, how Danny had met my father, why my father was suggesting books for him to read, what he was reading, how my father was helping him – omitting that Danny was studying German, that he planned to read Freud, and that he had read some books on Hasidism.
When I finished, Reb Saunders just sat there and stared at me. http://storeebook.ru
I could see he was controlling himself with great effort. He covered his eyes and nose with his right hand and leaned forward, his elbow on the open Talmud, the upper portion of his body swaying slowly back and forth. I saw his lips move beneath the hand, and I heard the words 'Psychology. Master of the Universe, psychology. And Darwin. ' They came out as a soft, whispered moan. He took the hand away from his face and let it drop to the Talmud. 'What can I do? ' he asked himself softly. 'I can no longer speak to my own son. The Master of the Universe gave me a brilliant son, a phenomenon. And I cannot speak to him. ' He looked at me and seemed suddenly aware again of my presence. 'The pain of raising children, ' he said quietly. 'So many troubles. So many troubles. Reuven, you and your father will be a good influence on my son, yes? '
I nodded slowly, afraid now to speak.
'You will not make a goy out of my son? '
I shook my head, feeling numb at what I was hearing. His voice was an ache, a plea. I saw him stare up at the ceiling. 'Master of the Universe, ' he almost chanted. 'You gave me a brilliant son, and I have thanked you for him a million times. But you had to make him so brilliant? '
I listened to his voice and felt myself go cold. There was so much pain in it, so much bewildered pain.
The apartment door opened and closed. Reb Saunders sat up in his chair, his face quickly regaining its composure. Clearly, almost like an echo in a cave, I heard the tap-tap-tap of Danny's metal-capped shoes against the linoleum hallway floor. Then he was in the study, carrying a tray with three glasses of tea, sugar, spoons, and some of his mother's cookies. I pushed some book aside on the desk, and he put the tray down.
From the moment he entered· the room and saw my face, I knew he was aware that something had happened during his absence. We sipped our tea in silence, and I saw him glance at me from over the rim of his glass, He knew, all right. He knew something had happened between his father and me. What was I supposed to tell him? That his father now knew he was reading forbidden books and was not going to try to stop him? Reb Saunders hadn't said anything about not telling Danny what had gone on between us. I looked at him for a clue, but he was sipping his tea calmly. I hoped Danny wouldn't ask me today. I wanted to talk to my father first.
Reb Saunders put his glass down and folded his arms across his chest. He was acting as though nothing at all had happened.
'Tell me more about grammar in the Talmud, Reuven, ' he said to me, with a gentle hint of mockery in his voice. 'All my life I have studied Talmud and paid no attention to grammar. Now you tell me a person must know grammar to know Talmud. You see what happens when you have a father who is a Misnaged? Grammar yet. Mathmatics – nu, all right. Mathematics I can understand. But grammar! '.
The three of us sat there and talked until it was time for the Afternoon Service. Danny found his father's deliberate mistake easily, and I was able to follow the ensuing Talmudic discussion without too much difficulty, though I did not join in.
After the Evening Service, Danny said he would walk me part of the way home, and as we turned into Lee Avenue he asked me what had happened between me and his father that afternoon.
I told him everything. He listened in silence, not seeming at all surprised that his father somehow had learned of his secret visits to the library.
'I knew he would find out about it sooner or later, ' he said softly, looking very sad.
'I hope you don't mind my telling him, Danny. I had to. '
He shrugged. His eyes were moist and gloomy. 'I almost wish he had asked me instead, ' he said quietly. 'But we don't talk anymore, except when we study Talmud. '
'I don't understand that. '
'It's what I told you in the hospital. My father believes in silence. When I was ten or eleven years old, I complained to him about something, and he told me to close my mouth and look into my soul. He told me to stop running to him every time I had a problem. I should look into my own soul for the answer, he said. We just don't talk, Reuven. '
'I don't understand that at all. '
'I'm not sure I understand it myself, ' he said gloomily. 'But that's the way he is. I don't know how he found out I was reading behind his back, but I'm glad he knows about it. At least I don't have to walk around in that library scared to death. I just feel bad having had to fool my father like that. But what else could I have done? '
I agreed with him that he couldn't have done anything else, but I told him I wished he could somehow get around to talking about it with his father.
'I can't, ' he said, shaking his head. 'I just can't. You don't know what torture it was talking to him about organizing a ball team. We just don't talk, Reuven. Maybe it sounds a little crazy to you. But it's true. '
'I think you ought to at least try. '
'I can't! ' he said, a little angry now. 'Don't you listen to what I'm saying? I just can't! '
'I don't understand it, ' I told him.
'Well, I can't explain it to you any better than I have, ' he said angrily.
When we stopped in front of the synagogue where my father and I prayed, he muttered his 'Good night, ' turned, and walked slowly away.
My father seemed astonished when I told him what Danny had said to me.
'Silence? What do you mean, Danny is being brought up in silence? ' His eyes were wide.
'They never talk, abba. Except when they study Talmud.
That's what Danny told me. '
He stared at me for a long time. Then he seemed to remember something, and his eyes narrowed suddenly.
'Once in Russia I heard something, ' he murmured softly, speaking to himself. 'But I did not believe it. '
'Heard what, abba? '
He looked at me, his eyes somber, and shook his head. 'I am happy Reb Saunders knows now about his son's reading, ' he said quietly, evading my question. 'I was concerned about all this subterfuge: 'But why can't he talk to Danny about it? '
'Reuven, he has already talked to Danny about it. He has talked to Danny through you. '
I stared at him. He sighed softly.
'It is never pleasant to be a buffer, Reuven. ' he told me quietly.
And he would say nothing more about the strange silence between Reb Saunders and his son.