Часть 3

Глава 11

'Thank God! ' my father said, his eyes wet with joy. 'What a price to have paid for Hitler and his madmen! ' And he lay back on the pillow and closed his eyes.

And then, together with the official report of the signing of the unconditional surrender on May 7, there came the news, at first somewhat guarded, then, a few days later, dear and outspoken, of the German concentration camps. My father, recuperating slowly and looking worn and weary, sat in his bed propped on pillows, and read the newspaper stories of the horrors that had occurred in those camps, His face was grim and ashen. He seemed unable to believe what he was reading.

It was while my father, read to me an account of what had happened at Teresienstadt, where the Germans had imprisoned and incinerated European Jews of culture and learning, that I saw him break down and weep like a child.

, I didn't know what to say. I saw him lie back on his pillows and cover his face with his hands. Then he asked me to leave him alone, and I walked out and left him there, crying, and went to my room.

I just couldn't grasp it. The numbers of Jews slaughtered had gone from one million to three million to four million, and almost every article we read said that the last count was still incomplete, the final number would probably reach six million. I couldn't begin to imagine six million of my people murdered. I lay in my bed and asked myself what sense it made. It didn't make any sense at all. My mind couldn't hold on to it, to the death of six million people.

Danny called me a few days later, and I went over to his house the next Shabbat afternoon. We did not study Talmud. Instead, his father talked of the Jewish world in Europe, of the people he had known who were now probably dead, of the brutality of the world, of his years in Russia with the Cossack bands looting and plundering.

'The world kills us, ' he said quietly. 'Ah, how the world kills us. '

We were sitting in his study, and he was in his straightbacked chair. His face was lined with suffering. His body swayed slowly back and forth, and he talked in a quiet singsong, calling up the memories of his youth in Russia and telling us of the Jewish communities of Poland, Lithuania, Russia, Germany, and Hungary – all gone now into heaps of bones and ashes. Danny and I sat silent and listened to him talk. Danny was pale and seemed tense and distraught. He tugged constantly at an earlock, his eyes blinking nervously.

'How the world drinks our blood, ' Reb Saunders said. 'How the world makes us suffer. It is the will of God. We must accept the will of God. ' He was silent for a long moment. Then he raised his eyes and said softly, 'Master of the Universe, how do you permit such a thing to happen? '

The question hung in the air like a sigh of pain.

Danny could not walk me back that night, he had too much schoolwork to do, so I went home alone and found my father in his bedroom, listening to the radio. He was in pajamas, and he wore his small black skullcap. The announcer was talking about the United Nations. I sat in a chair and listened, and when the news program was over my father turned off the radio and looked at me.

'How is Reb Saunders? ' he asked quietly.

I told him what Reb Saunders had talked about that afternoon. My father nodded slowly. He was pale and gaunt, and his skin had a yellowish tint to it and was parchment like on his face and hands.

'Reb Saunders wanted to know how God could let something like this happen, ' I told him quietly.

My father looked at me, his eyes somber.

'And did God answer him? ' he asked. His voice had a strange quality of bitterness to it.

I didn't say anything.

'Did God answer him, Reuven? ' my father asked again, that same bitterness in his voice.

'Reb Saunders said it was God's will. We have to accept God's will, he said. '

My father blinked his eyes. 'Reb Saunders said it was God's will: he echoed softly.

'You are satisfied with that answer, Reuven? '

He blinked his eyes again, and when he spoke his voice was soft, the bitterness gone. 'I am not satisfied with it, either, Reuven. We cannot wait for God. If there is an answer, we must make it ourselves. '

I was quiet.

'Six million of our people 'have been slaughtered, ' he went on quietly. 'It is inconceivable. It will have meaning only if we give it meaning. We cannot wait for God. ' He lay back on the pillows. 'There is only one Jewry left now in the world, ' he said softly, staring up at the ceiling. 'It is here, in America. We have a terrible responsibility. We must replace the treasures we have lost. ' His voice was hoarse, and he coughed. Then he was quiet for a long time. I saw him close his eyes, and I heard him say, 'Now we will need teachers and rabbis to lead our people. ' He opened his eyes and looked at me. 'The Jewish world is changed, ' he said, almost in a whisper. 'A madman has destroyed our treasures. If we do not rebuild Jewry in America, we will die as a people. ' Then he closed his eyes again and was silent.

My father recovered slowly, and it was only at the end of May that he was able to return to his teaching.

Two days after I took my final examination, he suffered a heart attack. He was rushed by ambulance to the Brooklyn Memorial Hospital and put into a semi-private room one floor below the eye ward. Manya took care of me during the first nightmarish days of blind panic when my mind collapsed and would not function. Then Reb Saunders called me one night and invited me to live in his house while my father recovered. How could I live alone with only a housekeeper to care for me? he wanted to know. Why should I stay alone in the apartment at night? Who knew, God forbid, what could happen? It was terrible for a boy my age to be left alone. They could put another bed in Danny's room, and I could sleep there. When I told my father, he said it would be wise for me to accept the offer. And he told me to tell Reb Saunders how grateful he was to him for his kindness.

On the first day of July, I packed a bag and took a cab to Reb Saunders' house. I moved into Danny's room.

The Chosen

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Chaim Potok

Глава 11

Часть 3

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